7.25 and not even on the train yet. I should be getting my coffee by now. I can hardly believe that i'm the same person who used to take the 6.10 train every morning. My life was scheduled to the minute... And it was easy!!! Sometimes so easy it was boring... Heavy. My life is still scheduled to the minute; but it's definitely not easy anymore. I'm not busy anymore; i'm buried. More tasks in a day than minutes. Sometimes I crave those utterly predictable, surprise-free, strangely comforting days when my life was simply mine, and if I missed a deadline, chances were i'd be the only one to suffer for it.

7.38 and i'm crossing the river. Summoning my strength for the sprint upstairs to the green line.

3.52. On my way home early because of the snow. Enough extra time to dig out the car and shovel the steps before I go to pick up Kassia.

I'm tired. I need to escape... Just for a day. I haven't had a whole day off since Kassia was born. If everything didn't hurt so much, it might be interesting to see how long I can go before I crack.

What a world

At 5:00 a.m. I was awakened by a klunk and a scream. Kassia fell out of bed (even with the safety rail!). It was the first time she's done this, and let me tell you, she did it right... a swan dive straight down on her face. Lots of blood, but no serious injuries -- just two fat lips. The teeth are all there. Sigh.

Needless to say, the morning routine went into a tailspin, but by 8:00 everybody was up, clean, dressed and relatively happy... and since most of my vacation time is already committed to those days when our daycare provider is on vacation or whatever... I had to make the decision to take her to daycare and go to work as usual. She did not want to go. "You stay me!" It just kills me.

Once she got to daycare, she was fine and ran off to play with J., but I still cried all the way to work.Why "what a world"? Because it seems like a miserable world we've made for ourselves... ok... I've made for myself... where I have to decide if a situation is "serious enough" to warrant taking a day off of work, and if I do, knowing that I'll have to pay a price for it later. It's not fair.